I just want to travel, become fluent in a bunch of languages, and find a lot of good new foods. I want to experience things outside of my little box of possibilities.
I can’t stand these fucking people with these fucking family window stickers on their cars a murderer is gonna come into your fucking house and you’re gonna try to hide your kids in the fucking closet and he’s gonna be like naw bitch I saw your fucking mini van I know you have six more kids where are they
to all the people with shitty mums i want to make it known that i am your mum now
you are a 20 year old male
sleepy boys are the best because they have cute messed up hair and squishy tired cheeks and little droopy eyes and are at their most vulnerable making it easier to kill them
- waitress: i'm sorry we're all out of mozzarella sticks
- waitress: sir please stop cyring
if i’m ever rich i’m gonna always leave huge tips, like 200%. that’s like the dream. having enough money to give some waitress 40 bucks extra just because she’s nice.
a guy walked into the board room and said
"hi sweetheart if you could fix me up a coffee real quick im meeting with the regional reports manager in like five minutes, thanks darling"
and i just stared at him and coldly said
"i am the regional reports manager"
we are now twenty minutes into this board meeting and i dont think i’ve ever seen a man look so embarrassed and afraid in my whole life
Anonymous said: Can a girl cum without the help of a guy?
Yeah wtf y’all ain’t that special